so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
