Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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