Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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