everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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