My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
