I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
