I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
