Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
