Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize