youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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