im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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