I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
