At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
from now on my penis is your penis
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
