Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
