You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
