What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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