Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
