he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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