i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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