but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
