Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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