Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She needs sedatives and a leash
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
