So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
