I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she told me i tasted like america
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You can't just leave with hair like that
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
