I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
