you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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