so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
