can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
