i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
