My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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