i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
