i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
