So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
