Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
