at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
