I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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