We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
