whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He passed out mid-signature
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
