By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
