i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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