apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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