my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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