Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
