A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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