wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
