Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
