I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
