a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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