My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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