you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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