So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
