Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she smelled like a LAN party
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
