Whod you bang
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
