Can i not drive my cunt home
i love accidental penises.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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